


Irrelevant Title Number 37

by KorekiyoXOumaForTheWin



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: CRACKLE BACKLE IM HIGH ON CAFFINNEEE, Crack, Gen, Grammar?, I SUPPOSE THIS WHAT THE COOL KIDS CALL CRACK, I was a little high, I'm breaking the fourth wall like it stabbed my mother, I'm sorry I lied, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Uhm, WHOMST, at least it should be, fuck I was really high, its been like 5 mins and adding tags, my dog is next to me and I know he's telling me to stop in his own special way, pls enjoy, send a la prison, the fourth wall?, this a crime, um, yall im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 18:18:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16413461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KorekiyoXOumaForTheWin/pseuds/KorekiyoXOumaForTheWin
Summary: dont @ me bc gods already got that down pat also yall best be enjoying FUCK sorry i realized i have shit do umm guys y? like u coud do so much more than read this i believe in you i have stopped tryna long time go but that doesnt you need to uhh they go to doughnut shop i feel like they have a name for that and theres lieka father son thing goin on but its kind buried under my opinionsyall i realized this wanst the notes. go. look at what a faliure ive become sorry mother and father and jebus ive let yall down on my way downI DOTH KEEPTH TRYNA EDIT THIS BITCH IM SORRY I





	Irrelevant Title Number 37

**Author's Note:**

> my dudes hast thou not heedth my warning im sorry but yall did this to ursledf i hope you read this with ur standards lower than my hopes

It was a bright and gorgeous sunny day in New York for one Peter Parker and one Tony Stark. Please direct your attention to the “was” in that sentence.

It was a bright day, until the weather took a turn for the worst and it started to rain so heavily that it was more like raining elephants and blue whales rather than cats and dogs. Which is probably better for the cats and dogs, they need a break from falling. That’s what Peter was thinking and most definitely not me breaking the fourth wall, I don’t know what you’re saying and so does Peter though that might be a side effect of being dead.

Anyhow, Peter was enjoying his life as Spiderman and adoptive son to Tony Stark. As such, they were both hanging out at the park, playing catch, because that’s what fathers and sons do according to gender roles, stereotypes, and the internet. Ahem, and they were enjoying it greatly, yes, indeed, somehow enjoying repetitive acts of catching and throwing. But perhaps it was the fact they were in each other’s presence, or the fact that Tony’s father often ignored him and verbally abused him and Peter’s dad and uncle were both dead, that made it so lovely for the pair.

Though the pair hadn’t ever played catch, they great at it, almost like they were superheroes. Tony would occasionally throw it horribly and Peter would still catch it. Whenever this happened, Tony praised Peter, which sounds like a person would a dog but let be known there were no parallels between the two. None. It wasn’t like they eagerly waited for a ball for the other to throw the ball so they could bring it back or anything.

Peter only missed the ball once. Once, and that is pretty good because even professionals miss the ball sometimes, words o’ wisdom. And, Peter had an excuse, there was a really, really, really cute looking dog. He excitedly pointed it out and, as you do when you see a cute dog at the park, they both asked to pet the dog. Which left the owner in a daze, because Iron Man and his intern just walked over to pet their dog.

And after that, they resumed their intense game of catch. And then, suddenly, both because I’m horrible at writing and because I had forgotten what I said in the second paragraph, it started to rain. Good for the plants, but not so good for two humans who have a bad history with water. For further clarification, check the notes, nah, man, I wouldn’t do that to you. I’m sayin’ that Tony had been tortured in Afghanistan via waterboarding, and Peter? The waterspout was not kind to him. You pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down?

Anyhoo! Tony immediately suggested they go to a doughnut shop. Whether that was due to Tony being hungry or him wanting to get of the rain, the world may never know, except for me and I say it was doughnuts with the excuse of getting out of the rain, there, now the world knows.

Peter was conflicted, ya see, as Aunt May wanted her spiderling to grow up healthy so she wasn’t big on unhealthy foods. But, on the other hand, I don’t know whose other hand, Tony was offering to take him out for doughnuts. And Peter said yes because while he respects Aunt May’s decisions, for the most part, he also has common sense.

With that Tony and Peter went on a mystical journey to the doughnut shop, named Dough For Doughnuts. The name wasn’t important but you know what, that is a doughnut shop that you can expect to treat you right, they have honesty. Just a note, it wasn’t a mystical journey. More like two people running as fast as they can while metaphorical elephants and blue whales rained upon them. Oh, yeah, a lot of yelling and soft curses. Not very mystical journey like.

Once they reached the shop and stop running like uncivilized beasts, or spider, don’t you worry, Peter, I’ve got you in representation, Tony opened the door for Peter because he is a gentleman and loves his kind-of-but-not-really son. It was a really nice little place. Dim, soft, yellow lights and worn but not dull wood made the place feel homey. Also, it smelled like diabetes in a good way, like you want to stay and gorge on doughnuts for the rest of your days and money. Tony and Peter dripped on the floor while waiting to order. There were a few others, mainly faceless, in the way that they were unremarkable, not in the way that they were lacking a face, just to be clear that this wasn’t hell.

They walked up to the counter, confused. Why were they confused? Because it was one of those places. You know the one where it’s like: do you walk up to the counter or do you wait for a waiter? But Tony in his infinite insights into Kenpo karate decided that they go up to the counters because it’s a cafe, Peter.

The next obstacle was easily the most daunting, the most intense, the most important of all to grace this world. It even tops the Accords, obviously a third-rate problem. This task is, drumroll please but not too loud, Peter’s sensitive, choosing what doughnuts they wanted.

Tony asked Peter what kind he wanted, and in true teenager fashion or perhaps he is truly selfless, Peter said that it didn’t matter. Tony, obviously, told him that it was fine and to just go ahead and pick. Peter stuttered because he is a nervous nerd with his idol turned dad. Tony sighed dramatically because he does everything dramatically.

The poor, poor sucker who had to deal with their indecisiveness stood there, waiting, waiting. And you can relate, how? Because you are waiting for me to tell the story and stop getting off track, and stop saying because. But I’m not in my right or wrong mind and you’re now aware of much I say because. Shh…

But Peter knew how to solve this. Point out doughnuts and say, “Yeah, those are good, two of those and ohh, that one.” And that is what they did. Tony choose some strawberry frosting with sprinkles because he liked those.

Once the pair finally finished, the sucker, which once again is just the way I’m describing the person, they are not just a big sucker from, like, a tentacle or something because this isn’t hell. Or the Soul Stone for that matter. Anyhow, the sucker placed all the doughnuts in a decorated box and handed to them and took the money that Tony held out. They also gave back the change which was nice and Tony would have said keep the change if it wasn’t already handed to him. At that point, you, well, just take the damn money, they already gave you it. Congratulations, suddenly you are one quarter, two dimes, a nickel, and three pennies richer. Actually, it was more like Peter took the change because Tony doesn’t like to be handed things, which honestly is relatable, can’t tell y’all how many times I’ve felt like Dr. Strange, trying to take what is being offered and my hand is shaking like peeps in da club. I wish I could apologize for this but I’ve already committed the crime.

After another awkward staring contest, Tony lead Peter into a booth in the corner, for privacy reasons. Such as shoving doughnuts into one’s mouth, real classy Tony, though of course Peter followed his lead. What a day, shoveling sugary treats into your mouth while your mentor dad does the same. Like previously mentioned, they were beasts, luckily I provided context so no need to wonder if I using modern slang. Apparently, a beast is now a good thing to be called.

Peter enjoyed a nice pink frosting doughnut with rainbow sprinkles and would you believe me if I said Peter enjoyed it? Because he did, it was great, what a great story. And Tony, where to begin, let’s start with the fact he picked out one of those swirly doughnuts, which is an absolute dad doughnut, I’ve never met a child who likes those, only dads.

Due to the clouds gettin’ real sick of God telling them to rain, the sun poked its face out and told the clouds to stop because the sun is the cool mom, unlike God who is the absentee father and showed up only recently in their kids’ lives. Ahem, so the sun has come out and with that plot twist, we can continue this meaningless piece.

Was this pointed out? Yes. It was casual though, just a lil’ remark. My dog is twitching, is he okay? That is not what was said. It was “oh, hey look, the sun’s out, must one those days.” You may be asking what are those kinds of days? The days that God is a little bipolar and can’t make up Their damn mind on whether they want rain or sunshine, sometimes it’s both which magical. Disclaimer: if you’re paranoid of the magical, don’t go out on days that the sun is out while it rains, you don’t wanna know the creatures that come out.

So Peter and Tony had a nice conversation. I feel Tony should go in front of Peter but alphabetical order has me constrained, I don’t even need to care alphabetical order is a lie anyhow, there’s no point besides order. That was probably said by Peter at one time in his life. Imagine a young Peter at the ripe age of fourteen just shouting into the void about the order of letters.

Because all good things must come to an end, like this marvelous story, the doughnuts were finished. A tragedy, indeed. Luckily that means Peter and Tony can leave this doughnut shop. And they walked out with the stomachs filled and the spirits at a slightly higher level than before. Peter and Tony, side by side, walked into the light. They’re not dead or anything, it’s sunny out now and Tony is thankful he brought his sunglasses. He even brought Peter some and they looked cool but Peter is happy that Tony gave him something. Ahem, and so they looked out at into the distance with their rad sunglasses and thought to themselves, _Why are we standing here, it’s only three._

**Author's Note:**

> pls dont hurteth moi on any facts u think my brian does thhing Ha my brian hes grounded dont know why brain is a brian im a famle


End file.
